Troubled by Transmi Tongues: A PSA

Does the whole world tend to disappear except for you and your partner when caught in a passionate lip lock?

Do they fade out like props on a set just outside the spotlight, which you and your boo occupy?

Well guess what! We’re still here! And your everlasting love is grossing us out!

Let me fill you in, inconsiderate lovebirds: you are not Julia Roberts. You are not Robert Downey Jr. People do not applaud nor melt when you swap saliva on the street. We don’t fall off the face of the earth, either, even if your hard-on for each other IS out-of-this-world. But that’s not even the worst of it. No, you have to suck face on the crowded Transmilenio. There may be someone wedged so tightly beside you that they could count the cat hairs stuck to your sweater, but what do you care? You’re in love! They should consider themselves LUCKY to have their faces forceably positioning towards you, a la Clockwork Orange, crammed in place by hoards of irritated Bogotanos! ….OK, so maybe your intention is NOT to have a modern sex-ed class free of charge for curious minds. Realistically, you probably don’t think of the people around you, at all; but I beg of you, take notice. Take a break from suction-cup-kissing your amor, slurping up their spit like a complimentary limonada, and realize that a group of people who have never met you NOW HATE YOU.

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Being on the Transmilenio is hard enough: it’s claustrophobic, filled with nearby bus’s exhaust fumes entering through the windows and you’re constantly worried about getting to your destination on time; when you’re not too busy wondering if someone is trying to mug you. It’s hard enough as it is without having to watch you two play show-and-tell and having to endure the unfortunate nausea, which unquestionably ensues.

Get a room.
Get some decency.
Get the hell off the Transmilenio.

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